Torn Heart, Blind Mind
by OnceAndFutureKingdom-MAXWOLF
Summary: Our favourite knights, Arthur, and Merlin go out for a hunt, and, as usual, things go wrong. Terribly, horrifically wrong. How much can one heart take? When everything you know is challenged, can you accept it with grace? Or will you become blind to the truth? Whump, possible reveal, conflict, and awesomesauce bears.


**Yo! I've come to prove that I haven't abandoned my account, just too busy reading Fanfics to write. R,R&E! (Read, Review, and Enjoy!)**

**PS: The dream isn't a prophesy or foreshadowing, just a friend wanted some references to particular things, and that was the best thing to do to get it over with, because I couldn't find a way to squeeze it into the middle of the story. Sorry. :P**

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Merlin woke up, eyes wide, shaking. It was that dream again. It was nothing special, no prophesies of Camelot falling and Arthur dying, it was just Merlin's worst nightmare, one he knew could easily come true at any moment, if he wasn't careful.

He closed his eyes, trying to block out the images that plagued him. They flashed behind his eyelids. His secret being revealed, Arthur turning against him, hunting him. His mother being killed for what he was, Gaius betraying his every secret.

Gwen despising him, refusing to believe he was the friend she knew. Fearing him. Freya burning at the stake because he couldn't help her, save her. Morgana shocked, seeing all the signs on reflection, angry he didn't help her when she was confused and scared of her magic. Her taking him in, rotting his brain and making him hate the people who once cared for him. Him attacking them, watching them die at his hand.

He knew that even if even if his secret was revealed, much of this wouldn't happen. Gaius and Gwen would stick with him. Why would the physician suddenly turn on his son in all but blood, and Gwen would still see her friend, not just an "evil" sorcerer. And Freya couldn't die again. And, of course, Merlin would never be able to kill his friends when they were innocent, even if they no longer saw him in the same light.

But that didn't stop the nightmares. That didn't stop him fearing.

He looked around; sunlight was beginning to stream through the window. He'd soon have to go to Arthur's chamber. He groaned, remembering that today they were going on a bloody hunt with the knights. Oh, joy... Looking outside, it seemed clear, but crisp and chilly. He packed his bag for the night to save running around, trying to do it while Arthur had the warlock preparing him, his bag and the horses, and cleaning his room. He soon had his small bag ready for the hunt. Then, of course, Gaius woke up, and seeing his idleness, said that the leech tank needed cleaning before he left. Again.

***Merlin***

Once the horses were ready, and the leech tank cleaned, Arthur, Merlin and the knights left Camelot. Soon they were deep in the forest, and leaving the horses in a clearing so as not to scare away game. Before long they had two rabbits, a pheasant and a small bird, yet to be identified. Gwaine started a lengthy debate with the others on the topic of its breed. Arthur finally shut him up, with his 'I'm king and I'm important' voice, wondering how they caught anything with his boisterousness. All in all, today was turning out ok for Merlin, despite the shaky start.

They reached another clearing, going uphill, slightly smaller than where they left the horses. The hill was burning Merlin's calves, when a huge group of bandit's rushed at them. The knights sprung into action, parrying attacks before responding with their own. Merlin ran to the side of the clearing and waited in case anyone needed his help. Arthur, defeating another bandit, had a chance to see if everyone was doing ok. He realised the slope was giving the bandit's the upper ground, and pushed forward. He saw Merlin and flashed him a smile before two bandits jumped in, Merlin behind them. Arthur blocked parries, struck, was blocked and so it went on.

Merlin saw a third bandit coming up behind Arthur, unnoticed by the young king. Merlin was in plain sight, but had no choice. "Swefe nu," Merlin murmured, hand out and eyes blazing golden. The man spontaneously fell into a deep sleep, collapsing to the ground. The warlock looked back to Arthur, tensed for what was bound to come, as the king cuts down one of his attackers. The anxiety Merlin felt building melted away, hiding until the next time magic was needed. The rest of the battle was going well, and before long they were regrouping and checking for only injuries. Only Percival needed attention, it was a relatively small wound but they wrapped it for fear of infection.

"Come on" Gwaine said, standing up "let's move away from here a bit before any more bandits come for the loot."

The others rose, Merlin sighing heavily, making the knights smirk. Gwaine marched on, and just before he reached the tree line, he trips up on a thin wire, which snapped up. There was some rustling from the foliage, and the knights had already drawn their weapons, anticipating what the trap may be, but nothing happened.

"What a feeble excuse for a trap," Gwaine mumbled; annoyed that he was caught out like that. They cautiously moved forward, careful to watch for any more wire, when a loud thump heard from the tree line. Then, with a deafening roar, a black bear burst from the bushes, eyes dark, endless pits and filled with pure hatred. They had no time react before the boulder-sized creature came barrelling at them.

Adrenaline splashed into seven nervous systems, they dived out of the way, rolling into a defensive stance, their training and experience kicking in. Pushing Merlin back, Arthur roared instructions to his knights. They formed a circle around the bear, dodging wicked, daggers of claws and twisting away from vicious blows that would easily send them into unconsciousness.

With six of Camelot's finest surrounding it, Leon managed to sink his sword into the beast's belly, only to have it bellow, turn to him, and smile viciously. He was too close to avoid the blow the monster sent his way. His eyes widen before he's sent flying back, slumping to the ground, alive but bleeding and unconscious.

"It's protected by magic!" Arthur hollered, fear reigning for a moment, until his stubborn dauntlessness radiates in a feeble attempt to save his friends.

Merlin looked around; hoping the sorcerer behind this would be nearby. Protecting an animal this size would take a tremendous amount of energy, and would be seriously weakened by much of a distance. He saw a small body flailing in the canopy, his four limbs tied to the branches above. The child was in all green at an attempt at camouflage and from what Merlin could see; he's in a deep sleep.

He remembered reading about a difficult, strenuous type of magic, where one would take the consciousness of the victim and trap it in the body of an animal. The animal's instinct's mixed with the thoughts and complex emotions of the human create a monster of infinite skill, near-to invincibility, and pure hatred and evil. Saving one means the death of the other.

Thinking hard, he remembered two different spells that could separate the two beings. One saves the animal, the other the human...

"Ag siúl spiorad, an Beast cead chuid eile. Bí an duine arís!" roared Merlin, hoping he'll save the boy, eyes blazing gold and arms spread wide. The bear glowed a blinding blue, then collapsed, breathing shallow and gurgling, blood seeping from the wound it has courtesy of Leon. It looked blearily up at Percival, who had stepped forward, eyes now only holding pain and fear. The brawny knight finished it off. Merlin looked up to the boy, who is still asleep, but calm now, before his attention was pulled abruptly back to ground level by Arthur.

"What," the king said in a low voice.

"What. WAS THAT!" he roared suddenly, all his anger and hatred and churning emotion exploding out. His sight was tinted red.

"Arthur, I'm s..." Merlin started, guilt evident on his face, but his words fell on deaf ears. The young royal no longer saw a cowering Merlin, his trusted advisor, servant and truest friend. He instead saw the old sorcerer who killed his father and deceived him, Dragoon the Great, and Morgause who took his sister away from him and turned her against him and their father. He sees Edwin and Nimueh and the Witch Finder and every sorcerer who's ever threatened Camelot and his people, which is to say, every sorcerer he has ever met.

He threw a knife, barely missing the young warlock's neck.

"Don't you dare speak, traitor! You'll kill us all with a word! How long have you been betraying us, turning our every secret over to our enemies? No wonder we're ambushed so much! Did you start in Camelot right under our noses, or did you come here to be one more betrayer on the inside? All those times I protected you from accusers, that whole time!

"You were there in the shadows, beside the future king! You used me, slowly working under my skin, manipulating me! I trusted you, I thought you a friend! You hid in my protection, waiting for your chance to kill me! How many innocent people died because of you?"

Merlin shook his head frantically, tears pouring down his face. The knights finally got over the shock, surrounded him, swords pointed at the warlock's chest. Merlin looked at them, pain in his eyes.

"Guys... please, just-"

"We don't listen to _your_ kind, sorcerer." Percival said stiffly, his face void of any emotion. Merlin opened his mouth, but then closed it without a sound, looking like a fish.

Arthur spoke up once more.

"Do you deny it? Do you want to tell us that what we saw wasn't real?" Arthur mocked him, anger and bitter sarcasm dripping from his voice. Merlin simply shook his head in reply, feeling utterly hopeless. He wanted to cry out, show Arthur everything he did for him, all he endured in following his destiny to protect the clodpoll. But Arthur was now blind when magic was involved; he had been betrayed one too many times.

"Then there is nothing you can say to redeem yourself. Like my father, once our brave king, said to me many times, magic is an evil in our kingdom that we must be cleansed of. I never understood how everyone who ever practiced magic could be corrupted so; he told me I hadn't seen with my _own_ eyes what it could do, if I had, I would understand. Now, I see he was right!" Arthur swallows the lump in his throat from the memory of his recently deceases father.

"I've seen enough now to understand, and I'll finish what father started, I've already lost so much to your godforsaken kind, I'm not gonna let you take my knights or my kingdom! You've taken my entire family from me, and then I trusted you to help me, guide me when I trusted no one else! You were the one person I thought would always be there for me! But you're not." His voice cracks from shouting and the emotional strain. "You're not. Not anymore. You... you are the last person who will betray me, but the first I'll execute myself." He finished with a grim satisfaction.

As the knights forced Merlin's head down as to expose the neck, Arthur raised his sword. Merlin raised his eyes, begging silently. His friends kept their faces devoid of emotion, and eyes staring straight ahead. Arthur closed his eyes, steeled himself, and began the powerful swing downwards.

"I'll be happy to serve you until the day I die." The sudden repeat of these words spoken long ago, but remembered in full clarity by both who witnessed it, shocked Arthur and between his surprise and his raging emotions, his missed his target, hitting across the shoulder and along the top the spine. Merlin was blinded by pain, screaming out. His vision was red, and already he could feel himself drifted into the bliss that was unconsciousness. Deep, dark, where nothing from the outside world could reach him. His magic reacted to his situation, teleporting him, away, far away to somewhere safe, anywhere safe.

"I'm sorry..."

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**Whey! Hope you liked it, I felt that Arthur would react angrily, and would feel betrayed, once again. Where do you think Merlin should end up? What will the knights and Arthur do next? Should they find the boy? Any ideas are welcome!**

**I couldn't find where to get spells from the Old Religion, so I used Irish instead for the transformation spell. I knew Swefe nu anyway so... Of course, despite being Irish and learning Irish in school, I didn't translate it at all, except the 'Siùl'. I know. I'm so good at languages, aren't I?**

**Anyways, please review, they make me feel like I should update. I don't have any other stories on the go, so maybe I'll update faster.**

**Laters,**

**Maxwolf**


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